


(You) Don't Slow Me Down

by pequinessa



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Also fluff, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, maybe a bit sugary but oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29949855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pequinessa/pseuds/pequinessa
Summary: Mark is leaving and Yuta is ready to let go.Mark isn't.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 9
Kudos: 83





	(You) Don't Slow Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> my first attemtp at yumark yey sorry for the corny fest at the end lmao enjoy!!

The soft knocking on the door breaks Mark’s focus from the video of cats Donghyuck just sent to their group chat. It was sent with the caption “it us”, and it’s a short video of badly drawn and animated cats grabbing things from the floor so they can hit each other. He sends a quick “that’s more like us @ you” and stands up to go to the door quite warily.

As far as he remembers, he wasn’t expecting anyone and the guys, painfully annoying as they were, at least they still had the decency to let Mark know they were on their way to eat his stash of recently bought snacks.

It’s none of the guys.

It’s Yuta.

And don’t get him wrong: Mark is never not excited to see his boyfriend but he really wasn’t expecting him. Especially since they had seen each other in the morning and Yuta had left after breakfast because his boss called him all of a sudden.

“Hey,” Mark says, stepping aside to let the other in. “What are you doing here?”

Yuta gets inside and Mark melts a little when he deposits a swift kiss on his lips.

“Hey, baby. What, did you not want to see me?” he snorts and closes the door behind him before making a beeline towards Mark’s more-than-questionably-stained couch.

“Ah, you know that’s not it. I thought Bohyung noona had called you? I thought you would be out all day, that's all,” Mark immediately clarifies, joining Yuta on the couch where he’s making grabby hands at him.

The effect is immediate. Once he sits down Yuta is all over him, face rubbing against his shoulder like some sort of cat and arms tightly secured around his frame. Mark chuckles, endeared. Yuta might be older but he has always looked incredibly cute in Mark’s eyes, cuter than him at least. He doesn’t say it out loud because he knows Yuta will open the powerpoint presentation he has saved on his phone on why Mark Lee Is The Cutest Human To Have Ever Graced Earth. 

Yuta’s wrong, though. There’s no way such a statement is true when Yuta looks like this, all doe eyes, pouty lips and soft, untamable hair.

“Don’t wanna talk about work, wanna cuddle with you and enjoy our final moments together,” is all Yuta says in response.

“Dude, don’t say it like I’m gonna die or something.” Mark tries to keep his tone light to mask the fact that such a sentence had made his stomach churned in the most unpleasant way possible.

“It’s not you who’s gonna die, it’s me, mister old and boring. Gonna stay all day cupped up in my place wilting away while my Markie enjoys life and falls in love with other beautiful people. Don’t worry, though, there’s no sweeter death than heartbreak.” 

Mark knows Yuta’s joking, he does it all the time. He’s dramatic like that and it doesn’t help that he’s regularly surrounded by best-selling authors who like to speak as if they were impersonating their own characters; Mark knows Yuta’s pulling his leg, he _knows;_ the other’s said similar things before but for some reason, this time around it doesn’t sit well with him at all.

Suddenly Donghyuck words ring loud and clear in his mind.

_Don’t take this the wrong way, Mark. I know you love Yuta a lot but he’s already decided he doesn’t want anyone else but you. If it’s not you then it’s no one. It’s not him who will break._

He had said that when Mark expressed his anxiety at being away so long from Yuta. Instead of reassuring Mark that their relationship could withstand distance and time, such words had planted a seed in his brain like Mark had never felt before. 

It wasn’t the first time someone implied something Mark wasn’t entirely comfortably acknowledging. Donghyuck’s words tasted a lot like those spoken by others, it was in the way everyone said, “You’re so lucky to have a boyfriend like Yuta!” “I wish someone loved me like Yuta loves you.” Yuta sure is in love, isn’t he?” “Ah Markie, you caught a good one.”

And now that he thinks about it, really thinks about it, it’s never “Yuta, the lucky boyfriend”. It’s never he who is being looked at with so much love it makes others jealous; it’s never Yuta the one everybody envies.

Suddenly, it dawns on him, that bitter taste on his tongue and the reason why he couldn’t digest those words entirely; it’s like Mark has been watching through some foggy glass that now has been wiped cleared. This insecurity he felt isn’t his per se. It isn’t lack of confidence in Yuta.

It’s something far worse.

Is this how everybody’s been perceiving their relationship? Like Mark doesn’t love Yuta the way Yuta loves him? And it wouldn’t be a big problem, after all Mark cares very little about external opinions on his relationship, if he weren’t afraid of Yuta feeling the same. Did Yuta think Mark didn’t love him as much?

He’s always made sure to let Yuta know how gone he is for the older man. Right? Maybe Mark’s been doing a shitty job at it. Maybe he’s not as straightforward as Yuta, but he knows that he shows he cares. 

Is it enough, though? Yuta has never complained before. He has never even jokingly said that he’s unhappy with Mark and the way he conveys affection. There’s a knot now between Mark’s chest and his stomach. It’s tightly strung and it fills him with anxiety, acid and searing anxiety. It wrings his organs uncomfortably. 

“I’m not going forever,” Mark replies instead of just word-vomiting all of his turmoils. He needs time to organize and dissect his emotions, but he can’t right now. He can never think straight when Yuta’s around. His boyfriend is perceptive to a fault so he tries very hard to not show the way he’s crumbling inside. A twitch of his mouth will be enough for Yuta to decipher there’s something very wrong with Mark right now. “I’ll be back to you in no time, you won’t even notice I’m gone.”

Yuta stills for a moment and Mark feels the way his lower back has started to collect sweat due to his nervousness; he’s now wondering if Yuta’s sharp instincts have finally discerned something is off in his voice, in his posture, in his breathing.

“Don’t be stupid, of course I’ll notice. I miss you every day I’m not with you.”

Mark exhales, body relaxing in Yuta’s embrace.

“Plus, you don’t have to make any promises to me, Mark, you know this. I just want you to go out there and experience life. Don’t let anything hold you back, okay? It’s not everyday you get a job offer abroad, and just months from getting your degree nonetheless. Don’t let anything hold you back,” Yuta repeats. “Don’t let _anyone_ hold you back.”

He instantly picks up the silent surrender in Yuta’s voice. The knot of anxiety quietly simmering in him is cast aside for a moment when disbelief laced with anger zings from Mark’s skull to the tip of his toes in hot waves. There’s something else rolling into his system, the awful realisation that maybe Mark’s worries and suspicions were not entirely unfounded.

“Yuta, what the heck? I surely hope that by ‘anyone’ you don’t mean yourself.You, my boyfriend who I’m very much in love with.”

The air between them changes when Yuta doesn’t laugh it off like he always does. There’s an asphyxiating electricity charging tensely between them the moment he slowly detaches himself from Mark and sits down properly. Mark recognizes all the signs and he feels himself begin to feel faint.

“Mark,” he starts. 

“I’m being serious. You’re going away for who knows how long, you’ll get the chance to experience a whole new culture, you’ll meet new people and you’ll inevitably change. And there’s nothing wrong with that,” Yuta says kindly, reaching out to cup Mark’s face in his hand when he senses his younger boyfriend wants to speak up. “Change is always welcome, wouldn’t it be awful to permanently stay the way we are? You should always strive to become a better version of yourself, even if that means leaving second-nature habits or feelings.”

“Change doesn’t mean dropping absolutely everything and shedding layer after layer of yourself just because. Stability is also needed.” Mark is firm because he doesn’t like where Yuta’s going. “There are things in life you need to hold on to, there are things you need unchanged.”

_You._

Yuta sighs and brushes his thumb against Mark’s cheek. Mark is aware Yuta is more than capable of understanding the real weight behind his words, and that’s why he feels like the air has been punched out of his lungs when he identifies the look of finality in his lover’s eyes. This is not a discussion, it’s not an argument, a debate of sorts. This is Yuta telling Mark how it is, no room for second opinions.

“You’re not wrong,” Yuta concedes, carefully, as if he’s afraid he’ll upset Mark. A moment too late because Mark feels ready to explode if Yuta doesn’t choose his next words with the utmost care. “You’re young, Mark. You’re really young, you’re only 23. Life has barely started and there are still plenty of things for you to discover about yourself and about the world.” He hesitates. “About your heart.”

“Don’t talk to me as if you were much older than me. Jesus Christ, Yuta.”

“That’s not,” Yuta says, and Mark immediately recognizes his tame tone; the one he uses whenever he senses Mark is about to leave his calm persona behind, “what I was trying to do. You know age isn’t everything but experience is. Mark, even if you don’t want to acknowledge it, there is a gap between you and me, and before you get the wrong idea, I’m not calling you immature.”

He waits, surveying Mark’s reaction.

“But you’re just starting to get the grasp of this adult thing, and that isn't a bad thing. It doesn’t mean you’re a child, either. You’re in that weird, suspended age of your life. And that’s only natural.”

“I don’t see your point,” Mark says, flat. Everything Yuta’s said, he knows it. He knows there’s a gap between Yuta, a fully functional adult with a proper job who pays bills, and him, who’s just entering this young adult life. It doesn’t bother him and it’s never been a problem in their relationship. Once their differences were acknowledged, it made their bond all the more stronger.

Yuta smiles at his impatience and just chuckles a little. Mark can’t bring himself to smile back, not at least with the way his knot of anxiety keeps tightening and tightening.

“My point is, Mark, I already know what I want in life. I’ve already kind of settled, although it isn’t exactly the rule for people my age. I don’t want you to settle at such a young age. I love you, Mark, more than what you might think and I only want the best for you.”

“You’re saying I’m not a child yet here you are, treating me like one. Only want what’s best for me, and how the hell would you know? What if I want to settle with you? What if I told you I love you just as much and I don’t give a damn about experiences and all those stupid things you’re saying. Huh? What then?”

The serene spark steadily glowing in Yuta’s eyes dies, leaving a rare stare Mark isn’t familiar with in its wake. He’s stepping on Yuta’s tail but to be fair Yuta stepped on his first, and it’s not good because Mark has come to understand they’re both stubborn to a fault, each in his own way, in his own fashion: Yuta’s the kind of stubborn that doesn’t shake you, doesn’t make you want to continue discussing with all your might, while Mark is far from that. He knows he has that tone that makes people clench their teeth not to lash out.

“I would say you can’t talk about things you don’t know yet. How can you say you don’t want any of that if you haven’t had it?”

“How can you be so sure, too? Did you get them all before deciding on me? Or you didn’t and you’re projecting?”

“Mark, don’t go there,” Yuta warns him, firm. Mark acknowledges that wasn’t fair. It was low, but Yuta isn’t making any sense and Mark guiltily recognizes that he wants him to hurt the same way Mark’s hurting by his boyfriend's words. “Our lives are different and I’m not projecting _anything_ on you. I just-” He sighs. “I don’t want you to have any regrets.”

“Yuta, stop. You’re not my father nor my older brother, you’re my boyfriend. And I get it this is daunting, that we’ll be apart for so long, and I get it I’m young. But that doesn't mean anything, it doesn’t change anything. I wanna be with you.”

“But what happens if you suddenly decide that you don’t? What if, by trying to keep promises you hold back for me. I don’t want that, I don’t want to-”

“Please, shut up. What are you even saying? What if I suddenly what? Decide that I don’t want you? That's never gonna happen. You’re being unreasonable.

“Am I? Mark Lee, if you would just see it from perspective for once-”

“Yes, you are! And I don’t need to see anything from your perspective because it’s me who is going, these are my feelings and I know how I feel.”

“Last time I checked relationships were a two-way thing but maybe I was wrong. Mark, you leaving doesn’t only affect you, why don't you get it? It will affect us both and I’m trying to think of how not to let that happen negatively!”

“You don’t have to come up with anything because nothing will change. You’re being too stubborn, why can’t you trust me?”

“This goes beyond trust, Mark! Why don’t you get it?”

“ _Y_ _ou_ don’t get it.”

Yuta doesn’t say anything after that, he just stays quiet, looking at Mark with an unreadable look that has him fidgeting uncomfortably on the couch. Before Mark can blurt out the apology resting heavy on the tip of his tongue, Yuta stands up.

“I’m gonna leave now. I don’t think we’ll agree on something right now and the last thing I want to do is fight with you and say things we don’t mean.”

“Wait, Yuta, I didn’t mean to-” Mark’s hand lays suspended in the air. He could reach out and take Yuta’s hand in his. He could stand up and try to make up but for some reason, it’s like his entire system has shut down. It’s not responding, unwilling to comply with what Mark really wants to do. 

Yuta has never walked away from him before. The sight is fucking scary.

“I think we both need to do some little thinking, alright?”

“Yuta, baby, I-”

The tiny smile the other sends his way has Mark’s voice dying.

“Reach out when you feel ready.”

And then.

He’s gone

{-}

Mark has the shittiest timing in the entire world.

He’s leaving in a fucking month and he just went and had a fight with his boyfriend, whom he won’t be able to see for god knows how long. And that’s not even the worst part. The most horrible thing about all this is the fact that Mark doesn’t know how to reconcile. He’s mad at Yuta, although a traitorous part of him recognizes Yuta isn’t being entirely nonsensical. But he _doesn’t care_ and Yuta just can’t see that. 

Begrudgingly, the realization that he is at a loss on how to patch things up sinks in. He is aware they’ve never fought like this before. Not even once. It was almost magical, the way they just seem to get each other from the very first moment, the way they just-- clicked. Mark isn’t sure whether people actually found themselves pulled to each other the same way Yuta and him did, and the best part was that it didn’t scare Mark, at all. He just embraced the fervent attraction with open arms because nothing had ever felt so right before.

He’s been hooked since the very first time his eyes found Yuta in that questionable bar his friends had taken him to to celebrate his coming of age. His now-boyfriend had purple hair back then, and the array of glittery bobby pins holding his strands reflected the neon lights of the dance floor. It had been what caught Mark’s attention.

The way his heart stuttered when he watched Yuta laugh at something one of his friends said while dancing is still freshly printed in him. After all, his heart never did recover from it. When Yuta caught his eyes, Mark froze. In his haste to approach the other and move through the mass of sweaty people swaying to the music, Mark lost sight of him. A tap on his shoulder distracted him from his current search: it was Yuta, smiling at him with something akin to mirth dancing in his eyelined eyes. 

“You looking for me?” Mark had nodded, mouth suddenly cotton-stuffed. “Can I buy you a drink?” he found himself asking. Yuta hadn’t answered right away, giving him a once-over before smirking, “Can you even drink?” Mark wasn’t about to tell him that he had recently become legal to do so, so he just nodded. “I’ll have to trust you then, kid. Come on, I hope you can fool the bartender with that cute face of yours, too.”

Yuta had been impressed when he showed the bartender his ID and two margaritas were swiftly served in front of them.

“I’m Mark.”

“I’m Yuta.”

And the rest is history.

Mark really doesn't want to be at the receiving end of Donghyuck’s judgemental stare, not again. Twice in a week would be too much. So all the bubbling restlessness in his stomach, unable to find a way out through his mouth, just boils and _boils,_ adding up to the pile of apprehension already cooking up inside of him as he doesn’t talk to anyone about things.

Yuta hasn’t called him or even texted, and even though such a thing was expected given his ultimatum _“reach out when you feel ready”_ , it still takes Mark by surprise. Yuta is an avid texter, always ready to send Mark pics of whatever he found worthy of his boyfriend’s eyes, generally cute things with the caption “reminded me of you <3”, even when they had had a silly fight. The radio silence weighs a ton, so much, so heavily, he can feel it as if it were crushing his lungs.

Uhm. It seems Yuta had been final _final_ about it. He wished his boyfriend had the same determination in understanding that Mark really wanted Yuta and Yuta only, period. No new chapters. No new nothing _. Full stop._

It seems words weren’t strong enough to just get through his boyfriend’s thick skull. Mark was good with words, really good actually but Yuta always left him a little speechless with the way he seemed to articulate complex thoughts into concise words. It wasn’t that he used fancy words or weird and intricate metaphors, it was in the way he knew exactly how to easily describe his reality, his convictions, his opinions. Mark fervently believes it is one of the qualities that made Yuta an amazing editor; after all, he knew how to bring the intangible into words.

Mark’s breath suddenly halts, only to come back into a long shuddering exhale.

That’s it.

Mark doesn’t need words to get his point across. He needs something else, something that will make Yuta realize that Mark is into their whole thing for as long as Yuta wants him. Which, Mark hopes, would be for a _long_ time.

{-}

The purchase is done rapidly and without much deliberation: he had already known exactly what he wanted, something not too fancy but bold enough to convey his intentions loud and clear. Something that Yuta could look at and be reminded that Mark wants him in his life, that no number of kilometers will deter him from keepings things going between the two.

Yuta is stubborn but Mark is so much more than that and he’s gonna prove why it’s always Mark who gets the red joystick whenever they play. It comes as a second thought that Yuta is a lot more lenient with him, easily giving in whenever he enters the picture; Mark can only hope Yuta also just yields this one time.

Mark takes one look at the bag in his hands, and he’s thinking so loudly, so rapidly, he almost gets dizzy. And then, the sudden need to just see Yuta takes him by surprise and he realizes he can’t wait. He really can’t. They barely have time as it is and Mark would be damned if he didn’t patch things up as soon as possible. As soon as possible being right fucking now.

So he runs. 

Fortunately, the way to Yuta’s work is engraved into his limbs, because Mark’s brain is going a mile per second with all the possible scenarios suddenly conjuring up in his mind. Apologies keep spilling from his lips whenever he unintentionally collides with somebody’s shoulder but he just keeps going, too caught up in his sense of urgency to actually feel sorry for the way he’s just going through a crowd with all his might, mind too hazy to properly dodge the people getting in his way.

The moment Yuta’s building comes into sight, some of the intense pressure he felt simmers down. He’s almost there. He quickly goes up the stairs and sighs, relieved when he sees the young secretary at the desk. 

“Mark,” Yangyang says, surprised. He’s about to say something but he takes in Mark’s state and furrows his eyebrows. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Mark manages to wheeze out. “Yuta?”

“He’s in the middle of a meeting with an author, but you’re more than welcome to - wait, Mark!” The secretary stands up when he watches Mark just walk past him, towards the hall with offices. “Mark, come back! You can’t interrupt!”

“Sorry, Yangs, I promise I’ll tell Yuta you tried to stop me.” And then he’s running through the different halls until he finds Yuta’s office.

He doesn't waste a second and just knocks on the door rapidly, with intention. He’s sure Yuta jumped in his seat; he can envision him pretty well. After all, loud noises were never Yuta’s forte. Another lovely thing about his boyfriend who he absolutely adores.

The door opens and just the sight of Yuta with furrowed eyebrows and in a clean suit is enough to have Mark's knees weakening. His previous hard stare melts down into one of surprise when Yuta takes note of the person in front of him.

“Mark?” He asks, voice high due to the bewilderment. “What’s- what’s this? Did you run all the way here?” 

Mark is still panting when he feels the familiar weight of Yuta’s hand on his shoulder as he’s bracing himself against his knees, trying to recover his breath. Perhaps all the running wasn’t exactly necessary but he felt like he would combust if he didn’t see Yuta as soon as possible, nevermind that his boyfriend was in the middle of a meeting with one of the authors under his publishing house.

“I need to speak to you,” he manages between breaths. Once he no longer feels his lungs burning he stands up, back straight and gaze unwavering. He’s aware the young author sitting across Yuta’s desk is looking at them quite blatantly, but he can’t find it in himself to care about the audience; he’s already cared too much in the past.

“Right now? Mark, I’m in the middle of a meeting. Can’t you wait, please?” Mark hears the edge on Yuta’s tone but he really doesn’t care, not when the weight of the little box stuffed in his hoodie feels searing, feels like it would burn through the thin fabric of Mark’s pocket and fall right onto the floor.

“I can’t,” he answers. Yuta seems taken aback because Mark is everything but stubborn when matters of Yuta’s job come into the equation; he’s quick to yield and hand Yuta over to the building that regularly gets in the way between Mark’s precious time with his boyfriend. Not now, though. Not anymore. “Please, hear me out.” He quickly grabs Yuta’s hand in an effort to prevent him from stepping back.

“Mark, I just can’t dip now, seriously, we’ll-”

“I don’t mind.”

Yuta cranes his neck back: his client is looking at them with wide eyes, the glint of curiosity is undeniable. He’s about to apologize but the author interrupts him.

“It seems important. I can wait.”

“Chenle, you don’t have to-”

“Thank you,” is all that Mark says, and the sincerity in his voice must be terribly honest because the author- Chenle, Yuta had called him, is giving him a quick thumbs up while smiling encouragingly. He wastes not another second and drags his boyfriend through the hallway he’s come to know like the palm of his hand, into one of the empty offices he knows is used as an archive. Yuta hasn’t said a word nor has he tried to stop Mark from dragging him away from his meeting, thus Mark knows Yuta will listen to what he has to say; Yuta’s never been one to shy away from confrontations. 

Mark closes the door but doesn’t bother to lock it, nobody but Yuta actually goes into the room, and this he’s picked up from the hundreds of complaints the other makes whenever he talks about the archive being forgotten even by the janitors. They’ve fucked in there before too, he remembers with a certain degree of shame.

Now that he has Yuta’s full attention, he gets nervous. He didn’t exactly think this through but the feeling isn’t alien to him since he’s never been able to keep a clear head with Yuta around. He doesn’t hate it, but he would appreciate not being tongue-tied for a second. It’s already hard enough when Yuta’s big and transparent eyes are focused so heavily on him. 

“I had a meeting.” Yuta breaks the silence first. He doesn’t sound mad, for whatever it is worth. Yuta never sounds mad, it’s not easy to evoke that feeling in him; he’s more composed than what people give him credit for. Mark himself has only seen him angry twice and that’s already a lot more than what people who regularly participate in Yuta’s daily life can say. “I know we’re not-”

“Wait,” Mark interrupts. Yuta’s already talked a lot, he’s always doing all the talking, and he can’t take it any longer. “Hear me out, no interruptions,” he states. Then, less sternly, “please.”

He knows he has Yuta’s undivided attention when the other sighs and rests his weight on his right hip. 

“I’m sorry I lashed out like that,” he starts. “I hate fighting with you, you know that. The thing is,“ he takes a deep breath and then everything just- _overflows_. “I’m tired of being the lucky boyfriend. I’m tired of people looking at us and thinking I’m the one who got lucky because my boyfriend looks at me like he would take the stars down for me. I’m tired of people assuming if we ever break up it’ll be because of me. I’m tired of everyone believing I could move on from you easily, that I’m the one who will put an expiration date to our relationship.”

The ghostly touch of Yuta’s hands on him helps Mark realize he’s balled his hands into fists. Yuta silently tries to coerce them open and Mark lets him, lets him intertwine their fingers, watches the way in which Yuta’s small hand gets engulfed by his larger palms. He looks up and finds Yuta is already staring right back at him. It gives him strength to keep on going.

“I’m tired of people believing I don’t love you just as much as you love me. But more importantly, I’m terrified you think so, too.” It is said in a whisper, fragile and vulnerable, heart and veins wide open for Yuta to see. The words are low and soft, meant only for Yuta’s ears to hear, and still, they sound terribly loud in the space Mark has brought them both into.

“I want people to look at you, to look at us, and go ‘I wish someone would look at me like that, too’, I want people to call you ‘lucky’’ too, because you have a boyfriend who’s willing to give you the entire world, I want people to look at us and go, “Must be nice, being so in love”. I want you to understand I would do absolutely everything for you. It’s scary, feeling this way, but I also love it. I love the way you make me feel.”

He lets go of Yuta’s hand, and for a moment he isn’t sure why. He doesn’t remember what else he had to do, all thoughts occupying his mind are going at a vertiginous speed, words tumbling out of his mouth without previous deliberation whatsoever. Mark is just pouring everything out, purging his insides.

Yuta is still in front of him, he isn’t pushing Mark, he’s waiting for him, and the look of utter trust in his eyes has Mark momentarily forgetting what’s next. What’s next? What was so urgent that he had to see Yuta? There was something he wanted- needed to do.

“I-”, Mark tries, before remembering the box inside his pocket. Right. The ring. He quickly fishes it out and presents it to Yuta. He knows his boyfriend is misreading the whole thing when he pales at the sight of the ring sitting on the velvety white cushion.

“Mark-”

“It’s not,” he immediately says, “it’s not what you think it is. I’m not...proposing or anything.” The mere word has Mark colouring to the roots of his hair. _Not yet at least,_ his brain unhelpfully supplies, and it’s such a random and sudden thought that Mark chokes a bit. He recovers quickly enough. He’ll definitely go over that _some other time_. “It’s a promise.”

“I will come back. I will come back to _you_ ,” he stresses. “Because, Yuta, you might not have realized this and perhaps that’s totally on me but I am in love with you. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone. Like I will never love anyone else. You’re it for me. I will never be able to get someone better than you because there is not anyone better than you for me. Nobody will ever love me and take care of me the way you do. And I,” Mark sounds surprisingly steady, and it’s an extraordinary thing taking into account how rapidly his heart is beating and how badly his hands are shaking. He quickly takes the ring out of the box, which he puts into his pocket again, before reaching out for Yuta’s hand, who’s looking at him like he’s watching him for the first time ever.

“And I don’t know if there’s someone out there who could take better care of you but I don’t care, because I want to do it. I _will_ do it. You’re right, I am young and there’re lots of things I have yet to experience and things I have yet to learn. But you’re wrong if you think I don’t know my own heart, if you think I could possibly love someone who isn’t you. You’re wrong.”

When Mark slips the ring into Yuta’s finger, he can see how badly his boyfriend is shaking too. Somehow, watching Yuta’s trembling eyes puts Mark at ease; it’s attestation that Mark can move Yuta the way Yuta moves him.

“This is my promise to you. Wait for me because I’ll come back to you. Maybe that’s selfish of me, to ask you to just wait for me. But there’s nothing strong enough in this world that could prevent me from coming back to you. Not when I love you like this,” Mark brushes the ring on Yuta’s finger with his thumb and steps closer just in time to see a stray tear rolling down his cheek. He quickly thumbs it aways. “With my entire heart, with everything I have to give.”

Yuta kisses him, crashing against him and making the two tumble back a bit before Mark finds his footing again, arms already bringing Yuta closer to him.

It’s a bit desperate, with the way Yuta is rapidly licking at the seam of his mouth, hands entangled in Mark’s hair to angle his head and deepen the kiss. Mark follows suit, jaw slackening to let Yuta do as he pleases, tongues briefly rubbing against each other before Mark is biting Yuta’s lower lip, sucking a bit on it before releasing it slowly.

“You’re a menace, Mark Lee,” Yuta breathes out, knocking their foreheads together. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I made you feel like I wasn’t being loved enough. That’s never been true, Mark. I swear, I never felt like you loved me any less.”

“That’s not your fault, don’t apologize.”

“And I’m sorry I tried to tell you what to do, I promised I would never do it yet I didn’t realize I was trying to make you follow my words. I don’t want to be away from you, I don’t want you to fall in love with someone else, I don’t want any of those things. I want you to always look my way only.”

Mark kisses him, softer this time, soothingly, like he’s trying to erase all of Yuta’s doubt. _I won’t, I won’t_ , his mouth seems to be saying with every brush against Yuta’s lips.

“God, I love you so fucking much, stupid,” Yuta says, laughing a little at the silliness of it all. “Who knew Mark Lee would turn out to be a modern Federico Garcia Lorca, uh? Also, you almost had me for a minute, I really thought you were about to whip an engagement ring and all.”

Yuta laughs at the way blood rushes to Mark’s cheeks at the implication.

“Sorry about that, yeah, I guess it was very easy to misunderstand.”

Another light chuckle and then Yuta is leaning in again, sighing when Mark rapidly finds his mouth again. It’s easy, the way their mouths keep coming back to each other. They’ve done this a thousand times yet it always feels electrifying, like a copper wire that won’t quit, ends fried and ready to jolt at the minimal of touches.

“I’m serious, by the way. Wait for me,” Mark whispers when Yuta retracts. “Don’t you go falling for anyone else, I swear I’ll make Donghyuck keep an eye on you,” he half-jokes.

“I could say the same thing, Mark Lee, you’re so easy to love. But I promise, I’ll just wait for you. Whenever it is that you’ll come back, I’ll be here.”

“Good.”

{-}

_“Thank you so much for coming, Chenle.”_

_“Please, thanks for having me.”_

_“Ah, such a lovely boy, like always. Ha-ha. Ah, hear that? I guess the audience agrees wholeheartedly with me.”_

_“Ha-ha, thank you everyone.”_

_“So, Chenle, Zhong Chenle, nominee to the Young Promise and Best New Novel categories to the_ _WARE_ _Awards, I picked some questions from your fans. Think you’re ready to answer honestly?”_

_“As honestly as my editor allows me, yeah. I think I can do this.”_

_“Ha-ha, witty as ever. I’m sure he won’t mind. Alright then, let’s pick one.”_

_“I just take one from the jar?”_

_“Yeah, we can -mix it a little aaaand, there you go. Pick one.”_

_“This seems like the least threatening of the bunch.”_

_“Well, we shall wait and see what the question is about. And the first question of the night for Chenle, sent by a fan, is, “who inspired you to write Aerus?” Oh, that’s a nice one. For new fans who might be watching tonight, Aerus is a fan favourite of the saga.”_

_“Is he?”_

_“Yes! Of course, but maybe you already knew it?”_

_“Mmh. I know people like him a bit better than other characters, but I’m not really sure why. He’s not exactly the best one, ha-ha.”_

_“Well, we can’t all be perfect, right? But despite his neutral chaotic tendencies, I guess I can understand the hype around him. Aerus is one full committed guy and in my opinion, he delivers one of the most thought provoking lines in the book. It’s hard not to love the guy when he’s so determined to fight even Caeda for his loved one. We can turn an eye the other way for him. Ah! Hear that? Your fans love him!”_

_“Is that so? Everyone, it’s not a good practice for real life. Don’t turn your eye on murder! Ha-ha. I’m not sure how my fans know I was inspired by a person to write him...Mmh. Wait! Now that I remember, I did say in a previous interview that Aerus was born from someone I actually know.”_

_“Well, Chenle! Don’t leave us hanging, we want to know them!!_

_“Ehh, is it okay if I say it? I guess I’ll have to call my editor after all.”_

_“Ha-ha, Chenle, we all promise to keep the secret, right, everyone? Hear that? They all promised to be silent as mummys.”_

_“In that case, I guess I can’t refuse now, can I?”_

_“That’s the spirit! Now, do tell us!”_

_“It’s actually quite a funny story. This happened a couple of months before I started writing Lights Across Home, I had a meeting with my editor, one my first meetings with him actually, and you see, we’re in the middle of discussing some changes when there’s a very insistent, almost desperate knock that scares us both. So, my editor apologizes and stands up to answer the door. It was his boyfriend.”_

_“Ahhh, the audience already loves it!”_

_“Ha-ha, it is a funny story! Actually, I had noticed my editor was rather down and didn’t seem 100% focused on whatever he was trying to explain to me, so imagine when his boyfrie -I knew it was him because I had seen his wallpaper. Hey! I know we all look at other people's wallpaper to see if they aren’t some sort of psychos and have a picture of themselves! Ha-ha. Anyways, it was the same person. When I saw him I put two and two together and guessed the boyfriend played a big role, the starring role actually, in my editor’s melancholy. And when I saw him- when I saw his eyes, actually. Wow. A shiver went down my spine. He looked so fierce in the beginning, his eyes were scary, and not because he looked a little mad, but determined. It was almost overwhelming. And then. And then, the moment he shifted his eyes towards my editor, everything fell: the determination, the fierceness, everything. In its place, there’s adoration, there’s absolute love. And wow. That was powerful. And crazy, you know? The sudden and seamless transitions of emotions in his eyes was so crazy, like, wow, there are people who really look at others like they would give them the entire world, you know”_

“What are you doing?”

Mark yelps and jumps, the bag of chips resting on his laps is sent flying to the ground.

“Jesus, Yuta, I almost died.”

He rolls his eyes and joins his boyfriend on the couch. Mark lifts his arms automatically and Yuta cuddles up to him.

“But you didn’t, you exaggerated baby. What are you watching?” Before Mark has the chance to answer he takes a quick look at what’s playing. “Oh, is that Chenle? When did this come out?”

Resting his cheek on his boyfriend’s head, Mark chuckles a little.

“This week I think? I’m not sure, Donghyuck sent me the link and said I would probably like this interview.”

The interview in question is actually coming to an end but that’s fine, Mark is now too focused on taking in the scent of Yuta’s shampoo to pay proper attention. He smells like Mark’s favourite almond shampoo and the smell, so characteristically his all over Yuta like that, is sending Mark’s heart into overdrive. He knows Yuta does it on purpose because Mark has always been an open book for the other, he can’t really mask his reactions, doesn’t want to, and he can’t also help himself from just rubbing his cheek all over Yuta’s head.

He’s gonna enjoy his boyfriend; he isn’t sure when Yuta will be called from the Asian branch to go back to Korea or Japan. Last time, they were nice enough to let him handle things in London for at least seven months. Going back and forth isn’t ideal but they make it work.

Mark still remembers the day he showed up at Yuta’s place, unannounced, and begged him to go back to London with him. Once the internship was over, to no one’s surprise, he had been offered a permanent spot. They allowed him to go back to Korea to think it over for a couple of weeks, even though Mark knew he wanted to stay, wanted to take up the offer. But he wasn’t about to come back alone. Mark wasn’t about to give up the only certainty in his life. 

Perhaps he was really pushing it, first asking Yuta to wait for him and then literally asking him to move countries for him; perhaps he was being too selfish but he couldn’t help it. He just knew he needed Yuta in his life and he would be damned if he didn’t find the way to make it work somehow. He was good at that, at finding solutions, at looking at the bigger picture. Everything clicked in place when Mark found out Yuta’s publishing house had a branch in London. They could make it work.

If Yuta still wanted him, that was.

“Oh, why?”

His phone is between the cushions and when Mark finally grazes his fingers against it, he grabs it and pauses the video, the video on the TV frozen as well.

“I think I know why,” he answers, smiling a little at Yuta’s less than amused expression. “You can watch it later and guess for yourself.”

“You’re no fun, Mark.”

“So I’ve been told,” and laughs out loud when Yuta grunts and pushes his body away from him. Laughter dies in his throat when Yuta pushes him again, strong enough to make him lay on his back on the couch.

“It’s okay, Markie, I love you still. I’ll show you something fun, wanna see?” And then he’s crawling on top of Mark’s body, who just casually holds Yuta by the hips like it’s second nature. Mark feels like the luckiest man on Earth when he sees Yuta playfully smiling from his place on top of Mark’s lap, the silver ring he uses with a thin necklace catching the light of their newly bought lamps.

“Yeah,” answers, a little breathless at the sight. “I wanna see.”

Fortunately, Yuta still wanted him.

Fortunately, Yuta continued to be that one thing in Mark’s life that would remain inamovible, unchanged.

And at last, somebody else had looked at them, had looked at the way Mark was ready to give Yuta absolutely everything and created an entire character out of it.

 _This is it_ , Mark thinks when Yuta lowers down enough to bring their mouths together. He can already hear the bells ringing. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!
> 
> as always, a HUGE thanks to my amazing beta, Eden!! I love youuu, thank you so much for putting up with my mistakes lol you're truly the MVP, any remaining mistakes are all mine yepyep also wow I think this is one of my shortest fics? y'all know i love long fics but i guess i'll start slowly with yumark, until i can get their dynamics right at least!
> 
> this is my contribution to the yumark tag lol feel free to leave some kudos and a comment if u liked it!! comments fuel my desire to write tehee so do consider leaving one ;; ofc the title is from a song everyone knows bc im really bad at titles pls spare me, also sorry if it's too cheesy yumark really be having that effect on me jfc
> 
> thanks always for the love <3 please take care, everyone! let's stay healthy~~ 
> 
> xoxo


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